I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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