I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize