i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
