omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
where are my eyebrows?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
