I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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