if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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