we're blogging at a bar
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Randomize
