There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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