She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
