there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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