it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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