We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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