8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
