Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I didn't notice because vodka
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
