Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
