so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The best revenge is premature balding
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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