Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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