Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
