She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize