I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize