I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
