I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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