i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
