I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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