how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
