i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize