I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
