I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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