There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
