I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
