I heard we made out
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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