I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
