I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
