im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize
