You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
