people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
