you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
