I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
