Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
