I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize