YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
