last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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