He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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