dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize