he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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