i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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