Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
