What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
