This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
