I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
