Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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