we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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