No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
