? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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