YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
