it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
