You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
