So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize