Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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