We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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