In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
