My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
zippers are such a cool invention
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
