If that was your dad, he is hot
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
