Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
