I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
