The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
