you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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