Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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