I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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