I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
