I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
