I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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