I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Acid is not a monday night drug
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
