walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Did you just see the Batmobile???
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
This baby is an asshole
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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