i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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