i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
