I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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