It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
