So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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