so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
