I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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