all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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