Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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