i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
