I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
