"it" just moved
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My dick has a subreddit
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
