You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
