i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
