I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
