Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
