after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
