I am puke
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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