would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
