May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Randomize