I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
