Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
