dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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