with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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