Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
