those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
