Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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