too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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