I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
