U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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