god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
