We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize