Please, let me fuck your mom
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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