I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
