A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize