he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
